off the deep end

I am not even sure what i am trying to write today, maybe i am writing for encouragment or maybe for a release. We have had a really hard week and a half, and i am starting to feel horrible. I guess when i say horrible i mean i feel like it is all my fault, because in all reality i have no one to blame for my childrens behavior but my self. So somewhere along the way i have to change what i am doing, right?!?!? So lets start off with the good news, Nolan has no behavioral issues, no arguing, no not listening, he is doing great, eating great slepping pretty good, no real complaints from him. Now on to the other two... Someone said to me once that 3 was worse than 2 i thought no, no way Gavin was a great 2 year old so we are just doing fine! Wow, i dont know who that person was but i could kill them, wasnt that just a jinx?!? We are in the 3's right now and i am not surei will make it through. Please dont get me wrong he is a great kid and i truly mean that! But he doesnt seem to want to listen, and argues with me all of the time, i stay consistant like i am supposed to but i feel like giving up. And Colin well he is 2! I guess maybe this is good though since he is showing his real 2's maybe the 3's wont be hell. Alli know is that i have 3 wonderful BOYS, and boys are something different. Its hard to figure out just how they really work, and still as an adult arent we are women still trying to figure out how men (boys) work. And i am trying to raise 3 men. I just feel so ineffective. Where all this stems from is swimming class, both Colin and Gavin are in a swimming class. Colin is in a mommy and me one which he really does awesome in. And Gavin is in his own class without parents. Gavin does good, when his teacher asks him to do something, he does it the best he can and he does it right away. He is so comfortable in the water and in return thinks he can be all by himself. So when it is not his turn he is spalshing around, and wondering off and teacher constantly has to say" GAVIN, come back" i feel like i horrible mother, since all the other kids are listening pretty well and not being told to come back all the time. Am i expecting to much, for him to be perfect?!? i dont think so i am just not sure how to get across to him to listen to his teacher better. So any words of encouragment are welcomed!! Guessi better stop blogging Nolan just woke up. Pray for a better day please.